DD#2 and I stayed home from church today,
both of us battling fall sinus headaches that simply won't quit.
Secretly I was glad--because I am battling a heartache that simply won't quit, either.
I need courage--
the courage to be excited about the future.
My best friend and my husband were talking of these things last night,
and I heard in their voices a growing excitement about what God was doing,
their turmoil tempered by a secret joy,
an anticipation of the goodness of God.
With my head on the pillow last night, I thought--
I am not excited for the new.
I am grieving the old.
So this morning, DD#2 and I talked,
and I probably gave a teen too much information.
In the end, it was a good conversation.
She told me I was brave.
I will do a lot of hard things for my child to see me be brave.
So I will have courage.
The courage to be, one day, excited about the future
because the future is Jesus.
At the end of things, He's what I want--
and I want the courage to really mean it.
Right now, I want to know He's near--
that His nearness is my good.
Not clever solutions or easy decisions.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God myrefuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.