Days 11 and 12: Wake-up Call

This week hasn't been steller.  

My attitude hasn't been steller either.

Yet, God has a few ways--very effective ways--of waking me up when I am sucked into the cesspool of the Pity Party.

Like, for example, reading this post not five minutes after telling Him that no comments meant I had no platform and maybe I was a failure at blogging just like lots of other things.

Ouch in a good way.

It's not, of course, that one day He might close down this blog.  He's redirected me quite a few times, some still painful.

If He's God--which He is--

and if He's Lord--which He is--

and if He's full of lovingkindness and mercy--which He is--

then submitting to Him will be 

a) what He deserves

and b) the best thing I've ever done.

It will be for my good.

It will be for His glory,

 which is the whole point of existance, yours and mine, anyway.

I had a pastor once who said, "God's will is what I would want if I had all of the facts."

Amen to that.

So after a week that I've let discouragement lead the way and I've licked my wounds at the expense of people right in front of me who need me to testify to a glorious God they don't know, today I say, Lord, forgive me.

Lord, teach me.

Lord, You have the right to rule and reign in my life and do whatever You please in the people and situations I'm in.

You know best.

Days 8,9,and 10:The Grandest Patience in the Universe

If we get all technical here, it'll be 29 days of following and focusing.  Sorry about that.

Tuesday, after a long season of emotional meetings, I came home lonely and a little hollow.

I opted for decaf and a chapter of Agatha Christie instead of this blog.  True confessions.

Yesterday I wept with a friend.

Midnight rolled around and my eyes were still open, but my heart was all over the place and too frazzled for coherent blogging.

So go the boulders.

In this series of unlovely days, I ran across a quote Monday morning that walked with me and sang as a chorus in my head.

George Matheson wrote

For we through the Spirit by faith wait for the hope of righteousness" (Gal. 5:5, RV).

There are times when things look very dark to me

--so dark that I have to wait even for hope. 

It is bad enough to wait in hope.

 A long-deferred fulfillment carries its own pain, 

but to wait for hope,

 to see no glimmer of a prospect and yet refuse to despair;

 to have nothing but night before the casement and yet to keep the casement open for possible stars; to have a vacant place in my heart and yet to allow that place to be filled by no inferior presence

--that is the grandest patience in the universe. 

It is Job in the tempest; it is Abraham on the road to Moriah; it is Moses in the desert of Midian; it is the Son of man in the Garden of Gethsemane.

There is no patience so hard as that which endures, "as seeing him who is invisible"; it is the waiting for hope.

Thou hast made waiting beautiful; 

Thou has made patience divine. 

Thou hast taught us that the Father's will may be received just because it is His will.

 Thou hast revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Father sees further than its own.

Give me this Divine power of Thine, the power of Gethsemane.

 Give me the power to wait for hope itself, 

to look out from the casement where there are no stars. 

Give me the power, when the very joy that was set before me is gone, 

to stand unconquered amid the night, and say, "To the eye of my Father it is perhaps shining still."

  I shall reach the climax of strength when I have learned to wait for hope. --George Matheson

To wait even for hope, and yet not allow any inferior substitute to walk in the place of the Lord's presence--

Girlfriend, that's focus.

I need me some of that.

I want to offer the vacant place in my heart to Christ alone for the filling.

Meanwhile I ask Him for the grandest patience in the universe.

Following,

Ginger

Day 7: Broken

I learned this song yesterday.  It just about covers things theologically when it comes to who God is and who I am.  

I like that about it.

Now for it to be true in the reality of my life.

"Lord, I just want you.  Even when I forget I said it, remind me of it.

I'm on the record.

I just want you."

Yesterday I heard someone pray that, and I loved it.

I love the rawness, the honesty,

the frailty.

the commitment.

Following,

Ginger

Day 6: How to Follow

Today our sermon was on this principle,

 that I can no more follow Christ in my own strength 

than I could reconcile myself to God in my own righteousness.

Oh, that the Church would understand,

that I would understand,

that I am nothing without Him.

I bring nothing to the table,

I bring nothing for the journey,

but He can and will do it in me 

when I submit to the perfect will 

of the One Who loved me

and gave Himself for me.

Still following,

Ginger

Linking here and here.

Day 5: Following and Followed

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I am having a lousy day.  It didn't start well, and I have been a grumpy brat for several hours now.  

I'm trying to get over it, 

and I don't want to be disingenuous, even in print. 

Though you'd never know that I was a rotten witness for a Jesus follower this morning

 (and more or less every hour since noon, too), 

I would know it, and that would bother me.

Life is hard, so some days following is hard.  

Today it was hard because I let fear rule my thinking, 

and when I am afraid, I get angry.  

Then the anger turned into pure frustration

 and why-can't-people-just-cooperate-with-me, 

and that just morphed into plain old selfishness.  

Some days I don't follow well because I'd rather lead.

That never goes well, just for the record.

Following is a concept we're familiar with in the blogging world, such as it is.

Back in the early days of this little blog,

 I'll admit watching that "follower" number rise was great fun to me,

 and perhaps a bit more important than it should have been.  

Then it stopped going up,

 and the 4 or 5 comments become 1-2 comments, maybe, 

and I've gotten less and less sure of the purpose and direction of this blog.

Writing without an identified audience is weird.

As a writing teacher, I find this to be the worst part of instruction.  

Our required writing prompts have no authentic audience, 

and the kids respond by writing rambling, meaningless papers with no other purpose than a passing (or not) grade.  

Sometimes this blog feels like it has no audience, 

and my posts seem rambling and meaningless to me.

I've been praying about blogging,

 and I know that this 31 day experiment is a trust exercise, 

a place where I'm waiting on the Lord to give me words,

 and in turn, I write to Him, 

my Audience of One.  

That way, if anyone follows me,

 they're headed in the right direction, towards Jesus.  

I want to follow well and lead well, 

regardless of whether there's anyone behind me or not.

Be blessed,

Ginger

Day 4: The Habit of Focus

Experts say it takes 21 days to form a habit.  A few years ago, I finally got into the habit of daily exercise.  Every weekday morning, I was up at 5:00 and walking with Leslie Sansome or silently grumbling at Jillian Michael, or struggling to keep up with super-fit Pilates instructors.  

I developed some muscle.

I was fairly strong for a woman my age, thankyouverymuch.

It worked because I stopped thinking that I'd exercise three days a week.  I made up my mind to exercise every weekday.

Then this spring and summer, things started piling up around here. 

Insomnia raised its ugly head,  and other situations began to keep me up well past my carefully-protected bedtime.  

The bus schedule changed, and I had to be out the door 15 minutes earlier than before.

In exercise land, 15 minutes is tantamount to eternity.

Slowly, my habit has dissolved into hit-or-miss, maybe this morning, maybe tomorrow afternoon, maybe next week.

It's frustrating-

and--truth be told, paralyzing.

Inertia breeds inertia.

Focusing on Jesus follows much the same pattern, doesn't it?

A busy day here, a missed opportunity there.

15 minutes more of sleep, Internet, kitchen cleaning.

Where did the time go?

Bottom line--relationships take time and discipline 

and the word we hate in our clock-and-convenience-driven culture--

commitment.

Sometimes I've been more committed to my exercise schedule than my time with my Father, 

and I lose focus.

My relationship with Christ grows and my focus stays true when

 I stop thinking I'll talk with Him later or read His Word tomorrow.  

It works when I listen to His call to be with Him every day.

Then I can develop some muscle.

In Him, I can be strong.

Be blessed,

Ginger

Day 3: Calling

After reading JD Greear's book Gospel, I've been rereading Matthew.  It's a simple book.  It's a profound book. While I'm no where close to the depths and heights and limits of this gospel, somefew truths leap out at me:

   When Jesus called people, they dropped everything and followed.

    He knew His identity, and He made it clear to others.  He expected them to see what was revealed before them.

   He had no patience with religious people who didn't recognize Him and didn't love God.

   Questioning His authority was a big thing for His enemies.  It still is.

   He leveled with His disciples. He told them the cost of following.
 He told them what to expect as missionaries.  

He told them to expect His death.

   He answered questions with the real question.

   When the weak and brokenhearted called out to Him, 

He answered with compassion.

   He always responded to belief.

    When all is said and done, He'll be revealed in His glory, 

and I will be on my face, 

and I'll hear His voice tell me not to be afraid.  '

   When my head is lifted,

 He'll still be there.